4th Draft script Edits Made

The First thing i have noticed that needs to be changed, is the writer name. This previously wasnt included in my script.

After that i have also noticed that i need to use a different font than what i have been using so far for my previous drafts. The font i was using was the default setting and has now been changed to courier, which is a more professional, type writer look that is easier to read.

Following on from that i have also added a title page with the Script Title and the name of the writer.

The next change i have made to my script is that i have centred the text.

After that i have removed all of the camera suggestions as this would not be my job but would be for the director to do.

Next i have added the location and description. e.g EXT. LOCATION1 - DAY

The next thing that i have changed is the spacing between scenes and made sure that it is three line spacing.

3rd Draft Script

Script
Game time

 Episode 1 - Exam Day

(Opening Titles)
Scene 1.
Camera Extreme Long shot of the city of London.
Scene 2.
 Camera Long shot of college from the front centre, with students walking around.
Scene 3.
Camera cuts to Hallway with Joe talking with friends, James, Chris, Hollie, Chloe, and Jack before their exams.

Scene 4.
Camera cuts in front of students walking.
JOE - Good luck today, hope nobody fucks up! ( looks towards Chris)
CHRIS - Joe if anybody's gonna fail today its going to be you.
HOLLIE - when do we get our results anyway?
JOE - i think its in about a month, but t might take longer because they messed up last year and gave people shit grades even though they did well. But chris if yours come back crap, then i guess they marked them properly.
 -They all stop at the exam hall-
CHRIS (looking nervously)- ugh piss off Joe
-Chris walks into exam hall while others stand still-
JOE - jeez what's up with him?
CHLOE - He's just nervous i think. Hes got a lot riding on these results.
JACK - well good luck guys. the last exam finally. You all still up for that camping week after we get our results?
CHLOE - Yeah im still up for it.
HOLLIE - Me too.
CHLOE - I'm up for it if i get good grades.
- All go into exam room-
End of Scene.

Scene 5.
Camera cuts to close up of Joe in exam
Scene 6.
Camera cuts to close up of Hollie in exam
Scene 7
Camera cuts to close up of James in exam
Scene 8
Camera cuts To close up of Clock ticking.
Scene 9
Camera cuts to close up of Jack in exam.
Scene 10
Camera cuts to clock ticking
"bell rings"
Scene 11
Students rush out of the exam hall.
Scene 12
Joe, Chris, Jack, Hollie, Chloe, and James meet up outside, next to the entrance door
JOE - Well thats the hardest thing ive ever done
JAMES - Yeah well at least its over with.
HOLLIE - Hope you all did good.
JOE - Celebrate at the cafe?
JACK - Sounds good to me.
HOLLIE - sure me too
CHLOE - I'm in.
CHRIS - Ahh i think im just gonna go home, maybe some other time.
JAMES-I can come yours if you want Chris? play a bit of xbox.
CHRIS - Okay i guess.
JOE - Alright then, see you guys later

Scene 13
Camera extreme long shot of the City.
Scene 14
Chris and James at Chris's house, playing on the xbox.
Camera positioned in front of them both as they lay on the bed facing sideways towards the camera.
JAMES you okay Chris? been off lately.
CHRIS- Jeez im fine just get off my back okay.
JAMES - Okay... Sorry i even mentioned it.
JAMES- GET IN! 1-0. Loser! points to chris and continues celebrating.
CHRIS - Smiles but looks sad.

Scene 15

We see the cafe from the front with people eating and drinking, with waiters/waitresses serving.

Camera cuts to a table with Joe, Chloe, Jack, and Holly sitting around it.

JOE This food is just so boring, i mean, come on,burnt toast with watery eggs, why do we even come here?

HOLLIE

did you guys notice Chris? he seems really upset.

JOE

Hes just an attention seeking little prick get over it.

HOLLIE

Don't say that about him. hes nice.

JOE

i will say what i like

JACK

Shut up both of you. i get it that he's upset, but joe's right too. He is being a little dramatic about it.

CHLOE

lets just not talk about it, we don't even know why hes upset.

JOE

Its because hes an idiot that isn't going to get into university and will be on benefits all of his life.
CHLOE
That's completely uncalled for. (storms out)
JACK
Shes right Joe. You can be such a douche sometimes. (follows Chloe)
JOE
(Looks forward with an angered look)
Scene 16
Camera Cuts to a time lapse extreme long shot of the city through night and day.
Scene 17
Joe's house
Joe receives a text from Chloe asking him to meet at the park.
Joe ignores the text, then replies and tells her he will.
Scene 18
Camera shows long shot of the park with people playing there.
Scene 19
Camera shows the bench where Chloe is sat
Jack, Hollie, and Chris arrive together.
Scene 19
Camera mid shot of Chloe
CHLOE
Where's Joe?
JACK
We don't know we were going to ask you the same thing.
CHLOE
Guess hes not coming then.
HOLLIE
Oh wait there he is
Scene 20
Long shot of Joe walking into the park.
Joe and Chris stare at each other while Joe is walking towards them.
HOLLIE
Where have you been? we stopped by your house but you weren't there.
JOE
Oh, i just went into town for a bit, anybody want a coke?
HOLLIE
i will have one
JACK
Me too
CHLOE
Yeah me too.
JOE
(looks into the bag and then at Chris)
Sorry guess theirs none left.
CHLOE, for fuck sake Joe you obviously did that deliberately, can you not just kiss and make up so we can move on?
CHRIS
Shes right joe
JOE
What? about kissing or making up?
CHRIS
The making up obviously, we've been friends for years. im sorry about the other day.
JOE
Okay i guess, (pulls out a coke from his pocket) didn't think i would forget you.
CHRIS
Smiles and looks back at Joe.
JOE
I'm sorry too Chris
CHLOE
Good, now that we have the romance out the way, anybody fancy going going to the forest today? find a good place to camp out.
CHRIS and JOE
Sounds great.
JACK
Lets go then.
Scene 21
Camera shows Chris, Hollie, Chloe, Joe, and Jack walking through the forest trail.
Chris and Jack are behind Chloe, Hollie and Joe.
JACK
So you're really okay with Joe? we dont have to go if you dont want to.
CHRIS
Jack trust me im fine, im sure Joe will receive a little bit of Karma sooner rather than later.
JACK
Okay then, if you say so. But if he gives you any trouble just tell me alright?
CHRIS
Okay i guess
Jack smiles and catches up to the rest of the group.
Joe is just ahead.
JOE
Guys what about over there? clear from trees, and right next to the lake.
CHLOE
Looks good to me Joe.
HOLLIE
Yeah Looks nice.
JOE
Lets go check it out then.
Scene 22
the group arrive at the potential camp site.
CHRIS
This looks pretty good.
HOLLIE
Yeah
Chloe stands next to the water.
CHLOE
Look at the view.
Joe approaches behind her
JOE
the water looks cold don't you think, maybe you should test it Chloe.
Joe picks Chloe up and props her in the water.
CHLOE
Oh my god! its freezing!
Hollie, Joe, Jack, and Chris all laugh
CHRIS
Hahaa hows the water Chloe?
Chloe looks at Chris while slowly approaching him
CHLOE
Its okay, maybe you should come join me
Chloe grabs Chris's hand and pulls him into the water.
CHRIS
WATER FIGHT!
Hollie, Joe, and Jack all jump into the water and start splashing each other.
Scene 21
Evening approaches and stars are now visible, the group are sat on the banking next to the water.
Camera cuts to a close up of Jack
JACK
You know what, im glad we are all friends. Im glad i met you all. Even you Joe.
JOE
Feelings mutual jack.
Jack smiles back at him.
CHLOE
Seriously though guys, now that we are off to different unis, do you think we will still stay close?
JOE
How about this? we make a pact right now, to call each other and meet up at-least once a month.
CHRIS
Sounds good to me
HOLLIE
Yeah
CHLOE
Thats a plan then. What about you Jack?
JACK
Which unis are you all going to?
CHLOE
Well i dont know just yet, ive got all of my interviews soon though.
JOE
Same with me
HOLLIE
And me
CHRIS
Me too
CHLOE
Why you ask Jack?
JACK
Well ive already had some interviews.
HOLLIE
And?
JACK
I got a place
CHRIS
Where?
JACK
If i pass my Law and Psychology. I will study Forensic Psychology... At Harvard.
CHLOE
And your going to take it?
JACK
Well yeah, why not?
CHLOE
What about us?
JACK
I know, thats why i don't want us to argue and stuff,
HOLLIE
Thats why you were looking forward to the camping?
JACK
Well yeah.
Camera cuts to a close up of Chloe looking sad, then Hollie, Chris, and Joe.
CHLOE
Its getting late we should probably get back.
Chloe stands up and walks off back towards the town.
The rest of the group follow apart from Jack
Jack sits and stares at the lake
JOE
Jack come on were going
Jack stands up slowly and begins to follow.
Scene 22
Camera cuts to close up of Joe walking next to the lake
Scene 23
Camera cuts to close up of Chris walking next to the lake
Scene 24
Camera cuts to close up of Hollie walking next to the lake
Scene 25
Camera cuts to close up of Chloe walking next to the lake
Scene 26
Camera cuts to a close up of Jack walking slowly along the lake
Camera Follows Jack on his walk home, passing bars, closed shops.
Sirens can be heard in the distance.
When Jack arrives home he is greeted by his mum
JACKS MUM
Where on earth have you been?
JACK
Out
JACKS MUM
What do you mean out? where too? Do you even know what time it is?
JACK
out as in outside, the lake, and yes.
JACKS MUM
Well you missed dinner so just go to bed, i will bring a sandwich up for you.
JACK
Okay, thanks.
Jacks mum looks saddened and understanding.
Camera cuts to jack opening his bedroom door and jumping onto his bed.
Jack turns the tv on and puts his head in his hands, looking saddened, nearly crying.
Scene 27
Jacks mum knocks on the door, and enters slowly.
JACKS MUM
ham and cheese, like you like it.
Jacks mum puts the plate down on the side table next to the bed.
Jacks mum tuns too leave the room.
Jack quickly pops his head up
JACK
Mum?
JACKS MUM
Yeas?
JACK
What happens if i do get into Harvard?
JACKS MUM
Then i think you need to decide what you want to do. it could be a whole life ahead of you.
JACK
Yeah but all of my friends are here.
JACKS MUM
Sometimes you need to sacrifice something for the better option
JACK
Maybe i won't like it there though
JACKS MUM
Maybe you will love it there
Jack sighs and turns his head to the tv
JACKS MUM
If Harvard want you, then any university in England will too. just remember there are other options.
Jacks mum turns and leaves the room slowly.

Scene 28
Camera cuts to hollie in her room watching tv the next day
In the background Hollies parents are arguing.
HOLLIES MUM
You were out late again last night.
HOLLIES DAD
So im out late every night.
HOLLIES MUM
Why? your destroying this family.
HOLLIES DAD
Why? maybe its because i have to come home to a pathetic wife like you.
HOLLIES MUM
Oh yeah because youre such a great husband.
HOLLIES DAD
All you do day and night is bitch and moan just give it a rest.
HOLLIES MUM
Yeah well maybe soon you wont have to put up with such a pathetic wife then! Get out of my House.
HOLLIES DAD
Its my house.
HOLLIES MUM
I dont care get out anyway.
Hollies dad leaves the house and slams the door behind him
Hollie recieves a text.
' meet me at the cafe?' - Joe
Hollie sighs, stands up and leaves the room.
Scene 29
Camera cuts to a mid shot of the hallway.
Hollie walks down the stairs and walks out.

Questions Report

Question report

Q1) The feedback suggests that the reader liked the character of jack the most as they felt he was a deep minded charachter with hidden feelings that could be expressed further along in the show.

Q2)The report suggests viewers liked hollie the least as she didnt play a large enough role in the show. - Corrected


Q3)The readers felt that the dialogue could be split more equally between characters and could use some more diversity. - Corrected

Q4) The readers did seem to understand the show currently but didnt really know where the show was going.

Q5) The readers felt that the Harvard story was a little too far fetched and needs to be explained more. - Corrected

Q6) The readers felt that the characters work well with each other and can clearly see the different clashing personalities.

Q7)the readers felt that the plot worked well but didnt really see where i was trying to go with the plot or the show. They believed that it is just a drama about friends leaving college, however i would like to add some action in too.

Q8) The readers would like to know why chris was so upset and would like to read more of the script so they could find that out.

4th Draft Script

Script
 Growing Up
-
Written by
Jack Mallon 

Fade in.

 Episode 1 - Exam Day

(Opening Titles)


Scene 1

INT. COLLEGE HALLWAY - DAY

we see a college Hallway with Joe talking with friends, James, Chris, Hollie, Chloe, and Jack before their exams.

JOE a 18 year old law student with dark brown hair and a slim build.
JOE 
 Good luck today, hope nobody fucks up! ( looks towards Chris)

CHRIS a 18 year old psychology student with light blond hair and a large build.

CHRIS

Joe if anybodies gonna fail today its going to be you.
HOLLIE a 19 year old drama student with long dark brown hair.
HOLLIE
when do we get our results anyway?
JOE
i think its in about a month, but t might take longer because they messed up last year and gave people shit grades even though they did well. But Chris if yours come back crap, then i guess they marked them properly.
 -They all stop at the exam hall-
CHRIS 
(looking nervously)- ugh piss off Joe
-Chris walks into exam hall while others stand still-
JOE
jeez what's up with him?
CHLOE a 18 year old media student with long dark brown hair.
CHLOE
He's just nervous i think. Hes got a lot riding on these results.
JACK a 19 year old sports student with short blond hair.
JACK
well good luck guys. the last exam finally. You all still up for that camping week after we get our results?
CHLOE
Yeah I'm still up for it.
HOLLIE
Me too.
CHLOE
I'm up for it if i get good grades.
- All go into exam room-
End of Scene.


Scene 2
INT. COLLEGE EXAM HALL - DAY
Students rush out of the exam hall.


Scene 3
EXT. FRONT OF COLLEGE - DAY
Joe, Chris, Jack, Hollie, Chloe, and James meet up outside, next to the entrance door
JOE
Well that's the hardest thing I've ever done
JAMES
Yeah well at least its over with.
HOLLIE
Hope you all did good.
JOE
Celebrate at the cafe?
JACK
Sounds good to me.
HOLLIE
sure me too
CHLOE
I'm in.
CHRIS
Ahh i think I'm just gonna go home, maybe some other time.
JAMES
I can come yours if you want Chris? play a bit of xbox.
CHRIS
Okay i guess.
JOE
Alright then, see you guys later.


Scene 4
INT. CHRIS'S BEDROOM - DAY
Chris and James at Chris's house, playing on the xbox.
JAMES
you okay Chris? been off lately.
CHRIS
Jeez I'm fine just get off my back okay.
JAMES
Okay... Sorry i even mentioned it.
JAMES
GET IN! 1-0. Loser! points to Chris and continues celebrating.
CHRIS
Smiles but looks sad.

Scene 5
INT. CAFE - DAY

We see the cafe from the front with people eating and drinking, with waiters/waitresses serving.

we see a table with Joe, Chloe, Jack, and Holly sitting around it.

JOE
This food is just so boring, i mean, come on,burnt toast with watery eggs, why do we even come here?

HOLLIE

did you guys notice Chris? he seems really upset.

JOE

Hes just an attention seeking little prick get over it.

HOLLIE

Don't say that about him. hes nice.

JOE

i will say what i like

JACK

Shut up both of you. i get it that he's upset, but Joe's right too. He is being a little dramatic about it.

CHLOE

lets just not talk about it, we don't even know why hes upset.

JOE

Its because hes an idiot that isn't going to get into university and will be on benefits all of his life.

CHLOE

That's completely uncalled for. (storms out)

JACK

Shes right Joe. You can be such a douche sometimes. (follows Chloe)

JOE

(Looks forward with an angered look)

Scene 6
INT. JOE'S BEDROOM - DAY

Joe's house

Joe receives a text from Chloe asking him to meet at the park.

Joe ignores the text, then replies and tells her he will.

Scene 7
EXT. PARK - DAY

we see a park with people playing and a bench where Chloe is sat

Jack, Hollie, and Chris arrive together.

CHLOE

Where's Joe?

JACK

We don't know we were going to ask you the same thing.

CHLOE

Guess hes not coming then.

HOLLIE

Oh wait there he is

Scene 8

We see Joe walking into the park.

Joe and Chris stare at each other while Joe is walking towards them.

HOLLIE

Where have you been? we stopped by your house but you weren't there.

JOE

Oh, i just went into town for a bit, anybody want a coke?

HOLLIE

i will have one

JACK

Me too

CHLOE

Yeah me too.

JOE

(looks into the bag and then at Chris)

Sorry guess theirs none left.

CHLOE
for fuck sake Joe you obviously did that deliberately, can you not just kiss and make up so we can move on?

CHRIS

Shes right Joe

JOE

What? about kissing or making up?

CHRIS

Being mates again Joe... we've been friends for years. I'm sorry about the other day.

JOE

Okay i guess, (pulls out a coke from his pocket) didn't think i would forget you.

CHRIS

Smiles and looks back at Joe.

JOE

I'm sorry too Chris

CHLOE

Good, now that we have the romance out the way, anybody fancy going going to the forest today? find a good place to camp out.

CHRIS and JOE

Sounds great.

JACK

Lets go then.

Scene 9
EXT. FOREST - DAY

We see Chris, Hollie, Chloe, Joe, and Jack walking through the forest trail.

Chris and Jack are behind Chloe, Hollie and Joe.

JACK

So you're really okay with Joe? we don't have to go if you don't want to.

CHRIS

Jack trust me I'm fine, I'm sure Joe will receive a little bit of Karma sooner rather than later.

JACK

Okay then, if you say so. But if he gives you any trouble just tell me alright?

CHRIS

Okay i guess

Jack smiles and catches up to the rest of the group.

Joe is just ahead.

JOE

Guys what about over there? clear from trees, and right next to the lake.

CHLOE

Looks good to me Joe.

HOLLIE

Yeah Looks nice.

JOE

Lets go check it out then.

Scene 10
EXT. CAMPSITE - DAY.

the group arrive at the potential camp site. We see a lake with small animals scattering around along with trees and grass.

CHRIS

This looks pretty good.

HOLLIE

Yeah

Chloe stands next to the water.

CHLOE

Look at the view.

Joe approaches behind her

JOE

the water looks cold don't you think, maybe you should test it Chloe.

Joe picks Chloe up and props her in the water.

CHLOE

Oh my god! its freezing!

Hollie, Joe, Jack, and Chris all laugh

CHRIS

Hahaa hows the water Chloe?

Chloe looks at Chris while slowly approaching him

CHLOE

Its okay, maybe you should come join me

Chloe grabs Chris's hand and pulls him into the water.

CHRIS

WATER FIGHT!

Hollie, Joe, and Jack all jump into the water and start splashing each other.

Scene 11
EXT. CAMPSITE - NIGHT.
We see stars coming out and the sun going below the horizon with the group all sat down in a circle

JACK

You know what, I'm glad we are all friends. I'm glad i met you all. Even you Joe.

JOE

Feelings mutual jack.

Jack smiles back at him.

CHLOE

Seriously though guys, now that we are off to different unis, do you think we will still stay close?

JOE

How about this? we make a pact right now, to call each other and meet up at-least once a month.

CHRIS

Sounds good to me

HOLLIE

Yeah

CHLOE

That's a plan then. What about you Jack?

JACK

Which unis are you all going to?

CHLOE

Well i don't know just yet, I've got all of my interviews soon though.

JOE

Same with me

HOLLIE

And me

CHRIS

Me too

CHLOE

Why you ask Jack?

JACK

Well I've already had some interviews.

HOLLIE

And?

JACK

I got a place

CHRIS

Where?

JACK

If i pass my Law and Psychology. I will study Forensic Psychology... At Harvard and will try get a job over there.

CHLOE

And your going to take it?

JACK

Well yeah, why not?

CHLOE

What about us?

JACK

I know, that's why i don't want us to argue and stuff,

HOLLIE

That's why you were looking forward to the camping?

JACK

Well yeah.

CHLOE

Its getting late we should probably get back.

Chloe stands up and walks off back towards the town.

The rest of the group follow apart from Jack

Jack sits and stares at the lake

JOE

Jack come on were going

Jack stands up slowly and begins to follow.

We see the group walking along the edge of the lake with the sun setting behind them.

Scene 12
EXT. LONDON STREET - NIGHT.

We see Jack on his walk home, passing bars, closed shops.

Sirens can be heard in the distance.


Scene 13
INT. JACK'S HOME - NIGHT.

When Jack arrives home he is greeted by his mum

JACKS MUM

Where on earth have you been?

JACK

Out

JACKS MUM

What do you mean out? where too? Do you even know what time it is?

JACK

out as in outside, the lake, and yes.

JACKS MUM

Well you missed dinner so just go to bed, i will bring a sandwich up for you.

JACK

Okay, thanks.

Jacks mum looks saddened and understanding.
We see jack walking upstairs and into his room.

Jack turns the TV on and puts his head in his hands, looking saddened, nearly crying.

Scene 14
INT. JACK'S BEDROOM - NIGHT.

Jacks mum knocks on the door, and enters slowly.

JACKS MUM

ham and cheese, like you like it.

Jacks mum puts the plate down on the side table next to the bed.

Jacks mum tuns too leave the room.

Jack quickly pops his head up

JACK

Mum?

JACKS MUM

Yes?

JACK

What happens if i do get into Harvard?

JACKS MUM

Then i think you need to decide what you want to do. it could be a whole life ahead of you.

JACK

Yeah but all of my friends are here.

JACKS MUM

Sometimes you need to sacrifice something for the better option

JACK

Maybe i won't like it there though

JACKS MUM

Maybe you will love it there

Jack sighs and turns his head to the tv

JACKS MUM

If Harvard want you, then any university in England will too. just remember there are other options.

Jacks mum turns and leaves the room slowly.

Scene 15
INT. HOLLIE'S BEDROOM - DAY.

We see Hollie in her room watching tv 

In the background Hollies parents are arguing.
We hear Hollie's parents arguing.

HOLLIES MUM

You were out late again last night.

HOLLIES DAD

So im out late every night.

HOLLIES MUM

Why? your destroying this family.

HOLLIES DAD

Why? maybe its because i have to come home to a pathetic wife like you.

HOLLIES MUM

Oh yeah because you're such a great husband.

HOLLIES DAD

All you do day and night is bitch and moan just give it a rest.

HOLLIES MUM

Yeah well maybe soon you wont have to put up with such a pathetic wife then! Get out of my House.

HOLLIES DAD

Its my house.

HOLLIES MUM

I dont care get out anyway.

We hear Hollies dad leaves the house and slam the door behind him

Hollie recieves a text.

' meet me at the cafe?' - Joe

Hollie sighs, stands up and leaves the room.

Scene 16
INT. HALLWAY - DAY

We see Hollie walking down the stairs and walk out the front door.

Script Questions

Q1) Out of all the main character who is your favourite? and why?

•        Chloe as she is the most caring.
• jack because he seems deep character with hidden feelings
• Joe because he speaks his mind.

Q2) Out of all the main character who do you like the least? and why?

• Joe as he is horrible to his mates but makes it up by saying sorry.
• Hollie because she dent really contribute as much as the other characters
• Hollie because she didn't talk much so i didn't know much about her.

Q3) What would you say is the main weakness of the show? and why?

• could have more character development of the other characters
• some characters don't really say much as the other ones.
• Non diverse characters.

Q4) Could you describe what is happening in the show? do you understand it?

• They are all finishing college and are going to different universities. they are all going on a camping trip as a group of friends.
• yes, there a group of friends who are facing having to separate from one another
• there is a set of friends and they are coming up to leaving college, and after college they are all going to different universities so they make an agreement to see each other when they all go. 

Q5) How would you have changed this episode?

•  Have the teens talking about how there going to keep in touch and more about were there going camping
• explain how he's been noticed by Harvard, it just seems a bit farfetched.
• have the characters talk about university and what options they think they will take.
• Lots of bad language so wouldnt be able to let children watch and the names are all white British names, which is racist.

Q6) How do you feel each character interacts? do you feel they work well with each other in an entertaining manner?

• They fit in and many people could relate to the episode.
• yeah you can tell that they are really close and have a deep bond.
• i feel that they work well because you can tell from what they say that they are a close friendship group and that they will miss everyone.
• They are all mean to each other but it works well.

Q7) do you feel that the plot works well? why?

•       It works well as it isn't boring and keeps the reader engaged

• yeah its a realistic representation of finishing college, and losing friends

• I feel that it does work well because it shows how people act within college, but i feel that the camping scene went on for too long rather than the university.

• They're in high school but are already worrying about what they're doing in university. and is they're supposed to bin college it doesn't say anywhere.

Q8) Describe how you felt after reading the script.

•  I just wanted to read more and find out what happens next.
• i want to know what happens to jack, and how he'll end up.
• i want to know as to why Chris was upset, and if Jack gets his results if he can go to the university that he wants.
• i want to know more about why Chris was so upset!

2nd Draft of Script

Script
Game time

 Episode 1 - Exam Day

(Opening Titles)
Scene 1.
Camera Extreme Long shot of the city of London.
Scene 2.
 Camera Long shot of college from the front centre, with students walking around.
Scene 3.
Camera cuts to Hallway with Joe talking with friends, James, Chris, Hollie, Chloe, and Jack before their exams.

Scene 4.
Camera cuts in front of students walking.
JOE - Good luck today, hope nobody fucks up! ( looks towards Chris)
CHRIS - Joe if anybody's gonna fail today its going to be you.
HOLLIE - when do we get our results anyway?
JOE - i think its in about a month, but t might take longer because they messed up last year and gave people shit grades even though they did well. But chris if yours come back crap, then i guess they marked them properly.
 -They all stop at the exam hall-
CHRIS (looking nervously)- ugh piss off Joe
-Chris walks into exam hall while others stand still-
JOE - jeez what's up with him?
CHLOE - He's just nervous i think. Hes got a lot riding on these results.
JACK - well good luck guys. the last exam finally. You all still up for that camping week after we get our results?
CHLOE - Yeah im still up for it.
HOLLIE - Me too.
CHLOE - I'm up for it if i get good grades.
- All go into exam room-
End of Scene.

Scene 5.
Camera cuts to close up of Joe in exam
Scene 6.
Camera cuts to close up of Hollie in exam
Scene 7
Camera cuts to close up of James in exam
Scene 8
Camera cuts To close up of Clock ticking.
Scene 9
Camera cuts to close up of Jack in exam.
Scene 10
Camera cuts to clock ticking
"bell rings"
Scene 11
Students rush out of the exam hall.
Scene 12
Joe, Chris, Jack, Hollie, Chloe, and James meet up outside, next to the entrance door
JOE - Well thats the hardest thing ive ever done
JAMES - Yeah well at least its over with.
HOLLIE - Hope you all did good.
JOE - Celebrate at the cafe?
JACK - Sounds good to me.
HOLLIE - sure me too
CHLOE - I'm in.
CHRIS - Ahh i think im just gonna go home, maybe some other time.
JAMES-I can come yours if you want Chris? play a bit of xbox.
CHRIS - Okay i guess.
JOE - Alright then, see you guys later

Scene 13
Camera extreme long shot of the City.
Scene 14
Chris and James at Chris's house, playing on the xbox.
Camera positioned in front of them both as they lay on the bed facing sideways towards the camera.
JAMES you okay Chris? been off lately.
CHRIS- Jeez im fine just get off my back okay.
JAMES - Okay... Sorry i even mentioned it.
JAMES- GET IN! 1-0. Loser! points to chris and continues celebrating.
CHRIS - Smiles but looks sad.

Scene 15

We see the cafe from the front with people eating and drinking, with waiters/waitresses serving.

Camera cuts to a table with Joe, Chloe, Jack, and Holly sitting around it.

JOE This food is just so boring, i mean, come on,burnt toast with watery eggs, why do we even come here?

HOLLIE

did you guys notice Chris? he seems really upset.

JOE

Hes just an attention seeking little prick get over it.

HOLLIE

Don't say that about him. hes nice.

JOE

i will say what i like

JACK

Shut up both of you. i get it that he's upset, but joe's right too. He is being a little dramatic about it.

CHLOE

lets just not talk about it, we don't even know why hes upset.

JOE

Its because hes an idiot that isn't going to get into university and will be on benefits all of his life.
CHLOE
That's completely uncalled for. (storms out)
JACK
Shes right Joe. You can be such a douche sometimes. (follows Chloe)
JOE
(Looks forward with an angered look)
Scene 16
Camera Cuts to a time lapse extreme long shot of the city through night and day.
Scene 17
Joe's house
Joe receives a text from Chloe asking him to meet at the park.
Joe ignores the text, then replies and tells her he will.
Scene 18
Camera shows long shot of the park with people playing there.
Scene 19
Camera shows the bench where Chloe is sat
Jack, Hollie, and Chris arrive together.
Scene 19
Camera mid shot of Chloe
CHLOE
Where's Joe?
JACK
We don't know we were going to ask you the same thing.
CHLOE
Guess hes not coming then.
HOLLIE
Oh wait there he is
Scene 20
Long shot of Joe walking into the park.
Joe and Chris stare at each other while Joe is walking towards them.
HOLLIE
Where have you been? we stopped by your house but you weren't there.
JOE
Oh, i just went into town for a bit, anybody want a coke?
HOLLIE
i will have one
JACK
Me too
CHLOE
Yeah me too.
JOE
(looks into the bag and then at Chris)
Sorry guess theirs none left.
CHLOE, for fuck sake Joe you obviously did that deliberately, can you not just kiss and make up so we can move on?
CHRIS
Shes right joe
JOE
What? about kissing or making up?
CHRIS
The making up obviously, we've been friends for years. im sorry about the other day.
JOE
Okay i guess, (pulls out a coke from his pocket) didn't think i would forget you.
CHRIS
Smiles and looks back at Joe.
JOE
I'm sorry too Chris
CHLOE
Good, now that we have the romance out the way, anybody fancy going going to the forest today? find a good place to camp out.
CHRIS and JOE
Sounds great.
JACK
Lets go then.
Scene 21
Camera shows Chris, Hollie, Chloe, Joe, and Jack walking through the forest trail.
Chris and Jack are behind Chloe, Hollie and Joe.
JACK
So you're really okay with Joe? we dont have to go if you dont want to.
CHRIS
Jack trust me im fine, im sure Joe will receive a little bit of Karma sooner rather than later.
JACK
Okay then, if you say so. But if he gives you any trouble just tell me alright?
CHRIS
Okay i guess
Jack smiles and catches up to the rest of the group.
Joe is just ahead.
JOE
Guys what about over there? clear from trees, and right next to the lake.
CHLOE
Looks good to me Joe.
HOLLIE
Yeah Looks nice.
JOE
Lets go check it out then.
Scene 22
the group arrive at the potential camp site.
CHRIS
This looks pretty good.
HOLLIE
Yeah
Chloe stands next to the water.
CHLOE
Look at the view.
Joe approaches behind her
JOE
the water looks cold don't you think, maybe you should test it Chloe.
Joe picks Chloe up and props her in the water.
CHLOE
Oh my god! its freezing!
Hollie, Joe, Jack, and Chris all laugh
CHRIS
Hahaa hows the water Chloe?
Chloe looks at Chris while slowly approaching him
CHLOE
Its okay, maybe you should come join me
Chloe grabs Chris's hand and pulls him into the water.
CHRIS
WATER FIGHT!
Hollie, Joe, and Jack all jump into the water and start splashing each other.
Scene 21
Evening approaches and stars are now visible, the group are sat on the banking next to the water.
Camera cuts to a close up of Jack
JACK
You know what, im glad we are all friends. Im glad i met you all. Even you Joe.
JOE
Feelings mutual jack.
Jack smiles back at him.
CHLOE
Seriously though guys, now that we are off to different unis, do you think we will still stay close?
JOE
How about this? we make a pact right now, to call each other and meet up at-least once a month.
CHRIS
Sounds good to me
HOLLIE
Yeah
CHLOE
Thats a plan then. What about you Jack?
JACK
Which unis are you all going to?
CHLOE
Well i dont know just yet, ive got all of my interviews soon though.
JOE
Same with me
HOLLIE
And me
CHRIS
Me too
CHLOE
Why you ask Jack?
JACK
Well ive already had some interviews.
HOLLIE
And?
JACK
I got a place
CHRIS
Where?
JACK
Well, if i get the grades i want, ive been offered a scholarship... At Harvard.
CHLOE
And your going to take it?
JACK
Well yeah, why not?
CHLOE
What about us?
JACK
I know, thats why i don't want us to argue and stuff,
HOLLIE
Thats why you were looking forward to the camping?
JACK
Well yeah.
Camera cuts to a close up of Chloe looking sad, then Hollie, Chris, and Joe.
CHLOE
Its getting late we should probably get back.
Chloe stands up and walks off back towards the town.
The rest of the group follow apart from Jack
Jack sits and stares at the lake
JOE
Jack come on were going
Jack stands up slowly and begins to follow.
Scene 22
Camera cuts to close up of Joe walking next to the lake
Scene 23
Camera cuts to close up of Chris walking next to the lake
Scene 24
Camera cuts to close up of Hollie walking next to the lake
Scene 25
Camera cuts to close up of Chloe walking next to the lake
Scene 26
Camera cuts to a close up of Jack walking slowly along the lake
Camera Follows Jack on his walk home, passing bars, closed shops.
Sirens can be heard in the distance.
When Jack arrives home he is greeted by his mum
JACKS MUM
Where on earth have you been?
JACK
Out
JACKS MUM
What do you mean out? where too? Do you even know what time it is?
JACK
out as in outside, the lake, and yes.
JACKS MUM
Well you missed dinner so just go to bed, i will bring a sandwich up for you.
JACK
Okay, thanks.
Jacks mum looks saddened and understanding.
Camera cuts to jack opening his bedroom door and jumping onto his bed.
Jack turns the tv on and puts his head in his hands, looking saddened, nearly crying.
Scene 27
Jacks mum knocks on the door, and enters slowly.
JACKS MUM
ham and cheese, like you like it.
Jacks mum puts the plate down on the side table next to the bed.
Jacks mum tuns too leave the room.
Jack quickly pops his head up
JACK
Mum?
JACKS MUM
Yeas?
JACK
What happens if i do get into Harvard?
JACKS MUM
Then i think you need to decide what you want to do. it could be a whole life ahead of you.
JACK
Yeah but all of my friends are here.
JACKS MUM
Sometimes you need to sacrifice something for the better option
JACK
Maybe i won't like it there though
JACKS MUM
Maybe you will love it there
Jack sighs and turns his head to the tv
JACKS MUM
If Harvard want you, then any university in England will too. just remember there are other options.
Jacks mum turns and leaves the room slowly.

Example Scripts

Example Scripts.

OUR GIRL
EPISODE 1
DRA C981L/02
BY TONY GROUNDS
POST PRODUCTION SCRIPT10:00:00 EXT. SALISBURY PLAIN.
10:00:00 MUSIC IN - NAPALM
A helicopter flies overhead.
The rear operations group are on exercise.
10:00:06 BBC LOGO
We see MOLLY DAWES caked in mud on her 'mission specific' training
– battlefield simulation. We see soldiers firing weapons with
explosions echoing all around.
Molly runs to a ‘battle casualty’ to check his pulse and gets
a message into her ear piece and looks around.
RADIO VO
Private Dawes. Report to the O.C.
10:00:22 CAPTION: OCTOBER 2013
10:00:23 INT. ARMORED VEHICLE/EXT. SALISBURY PLAIN
CORPORAL JACKMAN and MAJOR BRICE are sitting in the armoured
vehicle watching the training sessions. They watch as Molly comes
over to them and stands to attention. Corporal Kelly drake is
with her.
MAJOR BRICE
Relax Dawes.
10:00:25 MUSIC OUT - NAPALM
She does.
MAJOR BRICE (CONT’D)
Bit cold out there, isn't it?
MOLLY
Yes sir, tayter's sir.
MAJOR BRICE
You’d better go and pack your sun
cream Dawes. You're off to Afghan
and it's 47 degrees.10:00:36 MUSIC IN – DORI

Example 2
Common
EXT. ROAD - NIGHT 1 2010 1
Three young men (Tony Wallace, Colin McCabe and Kieran
Gillespie) hurrying from a pizza parlour to a parked
car.
Johnjo O’Shea (17 years old, vulnerable) is at the
wheel, a rap song blasting away. They yank open the
doors and pile in.
TONY WALLACE
Drive!
JOHNJO O’SHEA
What’s happened?
Colin McCabe berating Kieran Gillespie throughout...
TONY WALLACE
Drive!
JOHNJO O’SHEA
Right!
They screech off.
CUT TO:
2 EXT. ROAD - NIGHT 1 2012 2
Colin McCabe and Kieran Gillespie in the back. Tony
Wallace with Johnjo in the front. Sheer panic...
COLIN MCCABE
You stupid prick, you’ve dropped
us all in it now, you stupid
bastard, you stupid brain-dead
bastard...
JOHNJO O’SHEA
What’s happened?
COLIN MCCABE
You’ve dropped us all in the
shit, you prick. You crazy twat,
you mad crazy...
KIERAN GILLESPIE
He was asking for it.
COLIN MCCABE
...twat.
(to Tony Wallace)
I warned you about this prick,
didn’t I?
KIERAN GILLESPIE
He was asking for it. Right?
COMMON by JIMMY MCGOVERN As at: 5 June 2013 P1

1st Draft of Script

Script
Game time

 Episode 1 - Exam Day

(Opening Titles)
Scene 1.
Camera Extreme Long shot of the city of London.
Scene 2.
 Camera Long shot of college from the front centre, with students walking around.
Scene 3.
Camera cuts to Hallway with Joe talking with friends, James, Chris, Hollie, Chloe, and Jack before their exams.

Scene 4.
Camera cuts in front of students walking.
(Joe) - Good luck today, hope nobody fucks up! ( looks towards Chris)
(Chris) - Joe if anybody's gonna fail today its going to be you.
(Hollie) - when do we get our results anyway?
(Joe) - i think its in about a month, but t might take longer because they messed up last year and gave people shit grades even though they did well. But chris if yours come back crap, then i guess they marked them properly.
 -They all stop at the exam hall-
(Chris) (looking nervously)- ugh piss off Joe
-Chris walks into exam hall while others stand still-
(Joe) - jeez whats up with him?
(Chloe) - Hes just nervous i think. Hes got a lot riding on these results.
(Jack) - well good luck guys. the last exam finally. You all still up for that camping week after we get our results?
(Chris) - Yeah im still up for it.
(Hollie) - Me too.
(Chloe) - I'm up for it if i get good grades.
- All go into exam room-
End of Scene.

Scene 5.
Camera cuts to close up of Joe in exam
Scene 6.
Camera cuts to close up of Hollie in exam
Scene 7
Camera cuts to close up of James in exam
Scene 8
Camera cuts To close up of Clock ticking.
Scene 9
Camera cuts to close up of Jack in exam.
Scene 10
Camera cuts to clock ticking
"bell rings"
Scene 11
Students rush out of the exam hall.
Scene 12
Joe, Chris, Jack, Hollie, Chloe, and James meet up outside, next to the entrance door
(Joe) - Well thats the hardest thing ive ever done
(James) - Yeah well at least its over with.
(Hollie) - Hope you all did good.
(Joe) - Celebrate at the cafe?
(Jack) - Sounds good to me.
(Hollie) - sure me too
(Chloe) - I'm in.
(Chris) - Ahh i think im just gonna go home, maybe some other time.
(James) -I can come yours if you want james? play a bit of xbox.
(Chris) - Okay i guess.
(Joe) - Alright then, see you guys later

Scene 13
Camera extreme long shot of the City.
Scene 14
Chris and James at Chris's house, playing on the xbox.
Camera positioned in front of them both as they lay on the bed facing sideways towards the camera.
(James) you okay Chris? been off lately.
(Chris) - Jeez im fine just get off my back okay.
(James) - Okay... Sorry i even mentioned it.
(James) - GET IN! 1-0. Loser! points to chris and continues celebrating.
(Chris) - Smiles but looks sad.